Positively Puzzled

. 1 There are beasts on some Iowan farms Which have suffered unspeakable harms, Though we might like to eat them, It is wrong to mistreat them, Let's not bust those who sound the alarms. Story: Agriculture Industry Pushes To Make Undercover Filming Of Farm Animal Abuse Illegal 3/15/2011 2 Plastic forks now restored to the scene, Some House members at lunchtime convene, Their crowing erupts, Toasting Styrofoam cups, "Cafeterias aren't meant to be green!" Story: Fight Waged With Forks Is Rejoined in Congress 3/16/2011 3 Were it up to the Haitians to choose, Aristide at the polls could not lose But with some trepidation He returns to his nation With a woeful aversion to coups. Story: Plane carrying Aristide takes off for Haiti from South Africa 3/17/2011 4 On war doctrine presidents vary Some are rash to attack, some are wary, But without full reliance On a robust alliance Things can quickly become very hairy. Story: The U.N. Security Council passed a resolution on Lib...

A while ago I promised someone I would post some of my limericks. I'm occasionally true to my word, so here's a few: A martini, ice cold, held aloft Is a sight that I've never scoffed, But the shape of the glass Makes it easy to splash So I've spilled much more than I've quaffed. A young lass from Kansas named Dorothy, Said she wanted a mate who was swarthy; Yet the burlap‑faced strawman, The tin‑colored woodsman, And the auburn‑maned lion weren't worthy. Al Gore stands for me as a mentor; Unflustered by any dissenter, He may not have won, But, son of a gun, He'll always succeed as inventor. An Indian Sikh named Arjuna Had trouble flensing a tuna, Its viscera burst, Beheading a tour’st, And the flesh sank in the laguna. There's a term on a ship when you're sailing For the part that is sort of a railing The word used is "gunwale"; And that rhymes with funnel, Which leaves this son-of-a-gun wailing...