ten limericks

A while ago I promised someone I would post some of my limericks. I'm occasionally true to my word, so here's a few:

A martini, ice cold, held aloft
Is a sight that I've never scoffed,
But the shape of the glass
Makes it easy to splash
So I've spilled much more than I've quaffed.

A young lass from Kansas named Dorothy,
Said she wanted a mate who was swarthy;
Yet the burlap‑faced strawman,
The tin‑colored woodsman,
And the auburn‑maned lion weren't worthy.

Al Gore stands for me as a mentor;
Unflustered by any dissenter,
He may not have won,
But, son of a gun,
He'll always succeed as inventor.

An Indian Sikh named Arjuna
Had trouble flensing a tuna,
Its viscera burst,
Beheading a tour’st,
And the flesh sank in the laguna.

There's a term on a ship when you're sailing
For the part that is sort of a railing
The word used is "gunwale";
And that rhymes with funnel,
Which leaves this son-of-a-gun wailing.

A captain once sailed from Nantucket
And nailed to the mast a gold ducat.
He wove a wild tale
Of a wan chunky whale
So his men from the sea would go pluck it.

The limerick form is distinct
For its rhyme scheme compatibly linked
With anapest meter,
Like waltz steps in theater,
To deliver a punch line unkinked.

Some limerick types are prolific
Yet stray from the rules quite specific
I say its a waste
To write in such haste:
The returns on good form are terrific.

A stripper there was named Fiona
Whose breasts were well known in Daytona.
The nipples of each,
Just as soft as a peach
Were ringed by a fuzzy corona.

There once was a woman Miranda
Who sat in a large jacaranda.
Its pale purple flowers
Enthralled her for hours
While she completely neglected her panda.

From a bygone playlists


• Dopey Joe─Slim Gaillard─Slim Gaillard: Laughing in Rhythm
• Taksim in Hijaz─Seif Salim Saleh─Global Meditation
• We Saw Jerry's Daughter─Camper Van Beethoven
• Don't Think Twice, It's All Right─Bob Dylan & The Band─Before the Flood
  
• Tarif "Allah! Muhammad, The Four Friends, Hajji Khwaja Qutb arid!"─Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
• Vaughan Williams: Five Mystical Songs; III. Love Bade Me Welcome─Hickox Conducts Vaughan Williams
  
• Gustav Holst: The Mystic Trumpeter, Op.18─Royal Scottish National Orchestra; David Lloyd-Jones, conductor─Holst: The Planets
• Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: La clemenza di Tito: “Deh, per questo instante solo”─Magdalena Kožená, mezzo-soprano; Prague Philharmonia, Michel Swierczewski, conductor─Le Belle Immagini
  
• Ralph Vaughan Williams (Text by A.E. Housman):
  Along the Field:
  · We’ll to the woods no more
  · Along the field
  · The half-moon westers low
  · In the mornings
  · The sigh that heaves the grasses
  · Good-bye
  · Fancy’s Knell
  · With rue my heart is laden─John Mark Ainsley, tenor; Leo Phillips, violin─Vaughan Williams: Along the Field, On Wenlock Edge, Merciless Beauty, Ten Blake Songs, and other songs
  
• Ralph Vaughan Williams (Text by Walt Whitman): A Sea Symphony, No. 1:
  · A Song for all Seas, all Ships
  · On the Beach at Night, alone
  · Scherzo—­The Waves
  · The Explorers─Yvonne Kenny, soprano; Brian Rayner Cook, baritone; The London Symphony Orchestra and Chorus, Bryden Thomson, conductor